Well it’s about dang time. My “Dirty Jobs” withdrawal left me a shell of my former self. But now they’re back. Whew. Of course, there was a moment of panic when I went to set the DVR by searching “Dirty Jobs” only to find no new episodes. Did I miss it? Would I have to ask the boss for a special screener which he would be incapable of giving to me? Luckily, a new search revealed the full title of “Dirty Jobs Down Under.” Cheeky. Okay. Let’s roll.
07:00: Full Disclosure: Although I do have a passport, I’ve never been out of the country. Part of the reason is opportunity. The other part is that my passport photo makes me look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Once again it looks like I’ve have to vicariously live through Mike. Truth be told, Australia is at the top of my travel bucket list, so thank you Mike for the vicarious vacation.
07:01: Cool this looks like Mike and the gang are going on “Survivor.” One thing that always fascinates about “Survivor” is all the people who show up wearing suits, dresses and high heals. Here’s a tip: If the producers of “Survivor” call and say it’s “go time” put on your jungle outfits. You don’t need to impress anyone you need to… what’s the word I’m looking for… oh yeah… survive! But I digress.
07:01: Nice logo with the whole slimming the planet thing.
07:02: Nothing like a good production SNAFU to get things started out. Is there anything more annoying then landing in your destination and then waiting around to actually leave the airport? Unless it’s the Vegas airport with the slot machines this is not a good way to start my vicarious vacation.
07:03: I like it that Mike packs up the trucks. Remind me to ask him if he did that because he knew the cameras were rolling or because he knew he would be missing out on his workouts? Maybe he just felt bad for the crew because clearly they look a bit anxious.
07:03: New favorite show: “Hotel Hell.” Of course, Mike and his black light did this bit first but I’m fascinated by how business owners let their businesses go downhill when all it would take is a little effort to turn things around. Would I ever check out of a hotel where I saw bugs crawling around? Probably. Another reason why my passport hasn’t been stamped.
07:04: Four hour drive? Zoinks. I wonder if they’ll be playing Car Bingo or Bug Punch.
07:05: Mike said “Roach motel.” Funny. Even funnier that he has to stay there.
07:06: Having a nice memory flashback to a family vacation to Florida where we went to Busch Gardens and drove around the safari country. Don’t remember anything startling from that trip like a charging rhino or monkeys attacking our car. You have to wonder, why did we go there then?
07:07: Can you imagine being the poor pizza deliver guy who has to bring pies to this town? Talk about working for your tips. Yikes.
07:08: If I had a nickel for every time I heard Mike explain his job to somebody I could pay from my own vacation that wouldn’t be vicarious at all.
07:09: Adaptability. The hallmark of a successful anything. Mike loves working without a script. This is why: he’s adaptable.
07:09: Not for nothing but if all they’re doing is catching crabs and cutting down a tree I’m guessing they could probably do both in the same day. No?
07:10: “Rarely has there been in so short a time so much confusion.” Clearly, Mike is forgetting the last time we went out for a meal. I tend to order “off the menu” a lot. That’s confusing even for me. Especially when the food finally arrives and I ask, “Did I order that?”
07:11: I’m making a prediction that the crabs Mike is about the catch aren’t the crabs caught back in Baltimore. As it happens I’ve actually gone crabbing. It’s a very Zen like experience. You become one with the water, the crab and the chicken neck you tied to a string to catch the crab. After crabbing on several occasions I learned to embrace the crab cake. That too is Zen like as you become one with the crab cake and your fork. Much better Zen.
07:12: I actually admire people who say, “I don’t watch television.” Or even better, “I don’t own a television.” I think it’s very noble to engage in other pursuits. Of course, at the moment I hear this I have nothing to say and move on to another person.
07:13: Cool they’re tracking beasts of the wild. I wonder if the Learning Annex has a class in water buffalo tracking? Bigger question: When you find the wild water buffalo what are you supposed to do with it?
07:14: So they are cutting the tree and getting the crabs? See? I told you it could be done in a day.
07:15: “His tree is his canvas.” Michelangelo once said, “I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.” How cool would it be to have a pair of Michelangelo glasses that let you see things like he saw them? Dibs on that pitch, too!
07:15: Deadly tree sap? That’s totally a CSI episode!
07:15: Mike with a log on this should makes me thing of Curly carrying a plank of wood: no good can come of this.
07:16: Bullbar. New favorite word.
07:16: I’m going to have to be on Team Turtle too. Can’t imagine enjoying a turtle egg omelet.
07:17: They’re letting Mike drive? No good can come of this.
07:18: Not for nothing but at this point I’d like a Google Earth type map. Yes, we’re down under but after that I’m clueless. Who’s with me?
07:19: No he didn’t just spear that!
07:20: Wow these Aborigines have a different word for everything.
07:22: I don’t care what they’re looking for on the water, they’re going to need a bigger boat.
07:23: All that for one little fish?
07:24: Welcome to a new way of life: eating turtle eggs on a beach. Outstanding.
07:24: $100 bucks for nine pops, 3 packs of smokes and a gallon of water? Is that the “American film crew” rate or everyday rate? I’m guessing the former.
07:25: While this seems like a unique adventure for Mike and the gang, you wonder if this is just another “Tuesday” for the locals.
07:26: There’s no road. Seriously. There’s no road.
07:27: Going over log as opposed to getting out and moving the log? One wonders who made that call? If the axle breaks or the tire blows I would totally be the guy who would say, “We should have moved the log.”
07:28: “Mike’s Toilet Time.” Thanks for that. Now I can rest easy knowing the flushing parameters down under.
07:30: Are you freaking kidding me with that spear fish toss in the water thing? That dude would totally clean up on “Survivor.”
07:33: Man, these guys have some really good eyes.
07:35: Note to self: Don’t get stranded on a deserted island with Mike and depend on him to feed me.
07:36: I think these locals have the best time of their lives telling silly Americans to do silly things. Personally, from where I’m comfortable ensconced, I couldn’t be happier at their attitude.
07:38: So if I hate sushi with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns can you imagine how well raw shark liver and stingray meat would go over?
07:40: As for cooking in the dirt, I did have roasted pig once that was cooked in a pit. It was wrapped in banana leaves and rubbed with sea salt. That was it. Best tasting thing I ever had. However, I can’t emphasize enough the fact that it was COOKED!
07:42: Gotta admire the folks who live off the land. Makes me feel weak and puny but those feelings will quickly subside as I head out to my nearest Ralph’s grocery store to spear a piece of fried chicken. Good times.