Live Blogging (Sorta) The State of the Union: Back to Congress Again

Has it been a year already? Yes, the annual Presidential State of the Union is upon us once again. The U.S. Constitution actually says that from “time to time” the President will give a report to the Congress to say “How’s it going?” and “What’s up?” In this age of 24 punditry the State of the Union has become as partisan as anything out of Congress. The barometer that everyone measures by is how many times either side of the Congressional aisle stands up to applaud. Last year there was an effort to break down those barriers and mix up the seating arrangements to that Dems and Repubs would sit together in a visual sign of unity. Wanna bet that’s not going to happen tonight?

09:00 As I wait for the President to show up for that applause laden walk to the well, I can’t help but think about how the British Parliament handles these types of “reports.” Its not a once a year event for them. In fact, once a week the Prime Minister heads down to the Parliament and answers questions from any member called on. It’s raucous, loud and really fun to watch. The closest we came to something like that was when the President sat down with the leaders to talk about the healthcare bill for around six hours or so. We need to do more of that.

09:01: Everyone is talking about the big ideas the President might talk about tonight: taxes, jobs and the gridlock in Washington. You wanna go bold? He should say, “Yeah, we’ve been visited by aliens and here they are, ladies and gentlemen Bezop from Mars!” I’m going to hold out for that moment.

09:02: So, this show is supposed to start at 9 and we’re already running late as people are still shuffling around to get to their seats. While it is true that in the theater it’s bad luck to start a show exactly on time, you would think these folks would be able to get to the chamber since this is a live event being broadcast to the world.

09:04: The yakkers are talking about Gabby Giffords and this being her last official act as a Congress woman. Want a profile in courage? She’s it.

09:05: Tonight, I’m told, marks the first live appearance of the new Sargent at Arms for the House. That’s a cool job with plenty of perks I’m sure. The yakkers also said some Representatives were in their seats since this morning so they can be one of the few who shakes the President’s hand as he comes down the aisle. Last time I stood in line for hours to wait for a show was “The Phantom Menance.” Imagine my disappointment. In fact, that marks the last time I stood in line for anything. Thank you Jar Jar Binks.

09:08: FYI, apparently, it you work in Washington, you need a black suit. I can’t even remember the last time I was in a suit black or any other color.

09:09: Do you think all those generals really know what each one of those badges on their jackets stand for? I’m guessing half are for show.

09:10: And now comes the ceremonial passing of hard copies of the speech. You would think in this day and age they would save paper and just email. Speaking of which, I wonder who will be the first rep to be caught texting during the speech.

09:11: Say what you will about anything, this type of tradition is what it means to be American. Gotta love that.

09:12: “For the first time in nine years soldiers aren’t in Iraq and Osama Bin Laden isn’t a threat.” If I was wearing a hat I’d take it off for that one.

09:14: Is it just me or does Vice President Biden have a cold? He could have gotten a note from his doctor to miss this. Have you seen “Contagion?” Ever since watching that movie whenever I hear somebody sneeze, I dive for cover.

09:16: “Everybody plays by the same set of rules.” Nobody would argue with that. It’s when they try writing those rules is when it gets dicey.

09:18: 3 million new jobs in the last two years. Okay. Good start. Keep ‘em coming.

09:20: “I want to lay out a blueprint for moving forward.” If he could have made that blueprint in 3D he’s probably get a lot more “likes” on Facebook.

09:21: “The American auto industry is back.” What? No mention of a certain spokesmen? I cry foul!

09:22: Shout out to Master Lock. I just wish I had something I needed locking and I would totally buy a Master Lock lock.

09:23: Whoa, who beat up Senator John Kerry? Please tell me that was a skiing accident.

09:24: We’re in the tax code fix. Yeah, good luck with that.

09:25: Gee, Eric Cantor doesn’t look happy with this talk of tax code reform. Maybe he just had some bad soup before coming over to the speech.

09:26: “Unfair Trade Unit.” Will that be like CSI but with cargo containers?

09:28: I like that Jackie story. Train a new workforce. Gee, if only there was a website that promoted that very thing…

09:30: I wonder if Jackie will be invited back to the White House for hot cocoa. I know I would ask for that. And I wouldn’t get mini-marshmellows. I’d go for the big suckers.

09:31: “Teachers matter.” There’s a bumpersticker! Another hat off moment. I really should have worn a hat for this.

09:32: Wait, no drop outs? How is that going to work? Will that be like CSI but with Truant Officers?

09:34: Now onto the immigration issue. That’s going to be as popular as tax reform. But its gotta be done.

09:35: I’d love it if the President said, “I didn’t get a hurumph out of that guy.”

09:36: Hmmm, asking for an immigration bill in an election year? Yeah, good luck with that one.

09:37: Shout out to Steve Jobs… FYI Apple just posted profits of 73% over last years. And to think my iPad contributed to that.

09:39: “Less dependence on foreign oil than in the past 16 years.” Who knew?

09:41: We’re talking clean energy. Which reminds me, I really want a windmill in my backyard. At the very least solar panels. Definitely on my “to-do” list.

09:42: Shout out to Brian who got a job in a windmill. They better be making a lot of cocoa back at the White House. I’m just saying.

09:45: President is asking for a lot of bills being sent to him. Gee, I wish he’d get those. Good, bad or indifferent at least it would be action as opposed to what we’ve got going on now.

09:46: “Fund infrastructure with war savings.” There you go. Simple plan. Makes sense. More jobs. Anyone? Anyone?

09:47: We’re 47 minutes in. I wonder if the President will be making his Oscar predictions tonight. I haven’t seen the “Artist” or “Hugo” yet so I can make an informed predictions. But I digress.

09:50: The President does a “cry over spilt milk” gag. A bit obvious but he had to go there.

09:52: Oh yeah, Consumer Watchdog Dude. Will that be like CSI but with calculators?

09:54: Another sour look from Eric Cantor at the mention of taxes. Does he know he’s on camera?

09:54: “No side issues. No drama.” Has the President met Congress?

09:57: Lots of tax talk. Lots of calls for fairness. Lots of talk about the Buffet rule. As I write that I know who Buffet is but I read buffet and I flash to all you can eat salad bars. Great American innovation. Okay, clearly, I’m losing focus here with all this tax talk.

09:59: “Washington is broken.” Oh, the President has met Congress.

10:01: A bill banning insider trading from members of Congress? I’ll eat my iPad if that happens before the election.

10:02: Shout out to Abe Lincoln. Which reminds me which movie are you more excited about, Steven Spielberg’s “Lincoln” or “Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter?”

10:04: FYI: Somebody forgot to put a flag on the lights in the gallery. That’s why you’re getting all those flares from the wide shots. It’s all showbiz.

10:05: And no we head overseas for foreign stuff. Very important but I need a drink of water.

10:06: I’m back. What did I miss?

10:07: “No options off that table.” Do you ever wonder if there is really a table with options? I’d like to think so. Sort of like a big version of the board game Risk.

10:08: Now I wonder if the President is going to take all 90 minutes that is slated in the TV guide.

10:09: “America’s back, baby.” I’m paraphrasing of course.

10:10: Shout out to the military men and women. I’ll stand and applaud for that one.

10:11: “Hire a vet.” Gee, if only there was a website… oh, never mind.

10:13: “All that matters is the mission and that we have each other’s back.” Here, here.

— Meyer